The Long Silence [for losthunter]

[boldygoing]

Jim had been looking forward to getting drinks with Hunter after the end of the Nibiru mission.

Sure, it didn't exactly go according to plan, but when does it ever? And with the news of a five-year mission in the works, not yet assigned to a ship, he's pretty excited that the Enterprise might have a shot at the most prestigious and ambitious assignment Starfleet has ever offered. No crew is more prepared, he feels. And getting to explore uncharted territory every day for five years is a dream come true.

But that's before he gets called into Pike's office and busted back to fucking cadet.

Before the admiral tells him that the Enterprise is no longer Jim's.

Before Pike tracks him down in a dive bar, spiraling into the black hole of his own thoughts, consuming everything except the horrible, sinking feeling in his gut that somehow he's done everything horribly wrong, and the admiral tells him that he's not out of the running just yet.

He's not captain anymore. But Commander Kirk is the first officer of the Enterprise now, and as awful as it is that Spock has been reassigned, it's a rope thrown to a drowning man.

He's not okay. But maybe eventually he will be. And he barely has time to process any of this before the call comes in, that there's an emergency session called at Headquarters. Something like that is never, ever good news. And no matter what it's about, Jim has the distinct feeling that he's not going to be able to get around to having drinks with Hunter tonight.

He hurries to get into his gray dress uniform, and fires off a quick text message to the now-familiar number. Need raincheck. Emergency @ HQ.

Surely he'll have the time to reschedule later, once the crisis is over.

Comments

[boldygoing]

Uhura smiles and pats his arm. "Go say hi. I can wait my turn." There's a set of chairs along one wall, a short ways down the hallway, and she heads in that direction, perfectly at ease with allowing Hunter into the CCU room alone.

[losthunter]

Hunter enters the CCU room, flashing Uhura a grateful smile as she heads torwards the chairs along the wall. He heads towards the bed, and moves a chair to Jim's side, as he has done several times before.

"So you are awake, and without needing that one magical kiss." He smiles at the man laying there in the bed.

[boldygoing]

Jim's eyes were closed when Hunter first entered the room, but he blinks up at him now, his reflexes blunted by the painkillers. It takes him a moment to focus and realize who exactly is talking to him, but he manages a smile. "Hey," he says, his voice rough from not being used in a couple weeks. "Magical kiss?"

[losthunter]

"Because you were Sleeping Beauty." Hunter gently takes Jim's hand in his. "I was told that if I tried, that it might encourage the rest of your crew to try it too."

[boldygoing]

"Oh." His laugh is more a soundless huff of air, but he gives Hunter a dopey sort of smile. He squeezes the other man's hand a little, nowhere near as strong as he is when he's healthy, but at least he's responding now. "Probably right."

His smile falters a little and he blinks again, frowning slightly at Hunter. "You're really here." He sounds confused, which should be understandable, considering he's still pretty drugged.

[losthunter]

"Spock sent me a message, using your communicator." He explains. "And I have been here every day since then."

He is not sure how aware Jim is right now, but feels he should let him know about the assumption everyone else has. "They all think I am from your New York City. That I have just come in, from out of town."

[boldygoing]

"Thought I dreamed hearing you." Jim doesn't remember much of the coma, and what he does remember is pretty scattered and fragmented, but that's one thing that sort of makes sense now.

It takes him a moment to process what Hunter says, and he doesn't have the energy to raise his eyebrows, but he does huff out another nearly silent laugh. "Almost right. Just the wrong New York."

[losthunter]

"You could hear me?" Hunter is glad that some things had made their way through to him, even while he was healing in a comatose state.

"Or do you just dream of me regularly?" He chuckled lightly.

"And McCoy wanted to know how we met, since he recognized I wasn't a Starfleet individual. I told him a trade market." Another 'almost right'.

[boldygoing]

Jim smiles slightly, trying to pin down the bits and pieces he remembers. "Poetry?" he asks. He can't recall the words, but he does recall Hunter's voice reading something, its cadence the sort you might expect from reading verse.

"Hmm." He closes his eyes for a moment, one side of his mouth quirked up in a smile. "You taking lying lessons from Spock?"

[losthunter]

"Yes. And a few books that I thought you would enjoy."

Hunter chuckles lightly at that comment. "Well, you do know... it is only logical to let them believe what they need to believe. It would be too messy to open up the can of worms."

He is not going to mention the fact that the others have been telling him half-truths too. Since he knows it has to do with classified information. And he doesn't want anything to slip that would be considered too stressful.

[boldygoing]

At the moment, Jim doesn't seem to notice that anybody's trying to keep anything from him. That would mean more thinking than he's really prepared to do just yet. Besides, he's just remembered something else, and he opens his eyes again, looking up at Hunter. "I missed our date."

[losthunter]

Hunter reaches up to gently touch Jim's cheek. "You were protecting your ship and crew."

[boldygoing]

It's a perfectly reasonable explanation, but Jim still feels a bit guilty about it. "It all happened so fast..." In a way, he's still reeling from the attack that killed Admiral Pike, the firefight that started this whole spiral into destruction. Everyone else has had a few weeks to process it, but for Jim, Pike might as well have died yesterday.

[losthunter]

After helping memorialize the 97 people who were killed in the attack, Hunter knows a little bit more about Admiral Pike. And how important he was to Jim.

"I am sorry you lost him." He says softly.

[boldygoing]

It's a good thing that Jim doesn't have to try to explain. Even if his thoughts were more coherent at the moment, he's not sure he could articulate just how important Pike has been. The man who talked him into joining Starfleet - outright dared him to enlist. The man who believed in him when no one else did. Who came down on him with harsh criticism when he needed to hear it, no matter how much he hated it, resented it at the time. Jim had never known what it was like to have a father.

And now he's gone.

Jim draws in a deeper breath and lets it out slowly. "Thanks." All anyone can do is offer their condolences, and he has to be content with that. At least they care enough to say something.

[losthunter]

Hunter reaches up to gently run his fingers through Jim's hair. He can only let Jim mourn in a way that is natural for him. And he knows that it still must feel so raw in Jim's mind.

He is uncertain if he should mention the memorial. So he doesn't. Not until he can talk to someone else beforehand.

"Just wait until you see the nurse who has been giving you sponge baths."

[boldygoing]

Jim smiles slightly, though his heart isn't truly in it. "You hitting on them for me?"

[losthunter]

"My mind has been a little bit occupied to be hitting on anyone." After all, someone he really cares about was lying in a hospital bed in a coma.

And all that time sitting by Jim's bed, waiting for him to wake up, meant that his feelings for the other man are a little deeper than what he previously had. He really doesn't know how he would have reacted if Jim had never awoken. And is very relieved that he doesn't have to find out now.

"You have been surrounded by people who care for you a great deal. It has been very amazing to see that. To be a little part of it."

[boldygoing]

He wants to keep talking, to ask why he deserves to live when so many other people died, but people don't just wake up from comas ready to go about their business, and he's used up most of the energy he's managed to regain since this morning. His eyes feel heavy, wanting to close of their own accord, and he knows he needs rest but he doesn't want to sleep, some part of him remembering what it felt like to slip into that infinite blackness.

"Sorry," he mutters, blinking heavily up at Hunter.

[losthunter]

Hunter can tell that Jim is still exhausted, and it makes sense that a lot of his energy is being used by his body right now to heal.

"Don't worry about it sweetheart. You rest." He leans up, to softly kiss Jim's forehead. "I will be right here, as you get better."

[boldygoing]

Hunter may not know it, but Jim has never - ever - had anyone do that for him, not even his own mother. And he doesn't know how to feel about that, both the drugs and his own exhaustion conspiring against him to keep him from thinking too deeply on it at the moment.

He does, however, have one last request before he stops fighting to stay awake, and he manages a small, tired smile. "You bring anything good to read?" If nothing else, the sound of someone else's voice might help keep him grounded, to remind him that he's not alone, that he's not succumbing to the awful, cold darkness that lies beyond.

[losthunter]

"I sure did." He holds up the book. "It is Roughing It, by Mark Twain."

The book looks to be in good condition.

[boldygoing]

Jim's not familiar with that particular book, but he's read Mark Twain before, and it's just a shame he's probably not going to stay awake long enough to pay attention to the plot. He certainly has no complaints about Hunter's choice in literature.

He closes his eyes and smiles faintly. "Go for it."

[losthunter]

It is a shame that Jim will sleep through the majority of the plot. It is a semi-autobiographical travel literature that follows the travels of young Mark Twain through the Wild West during the years 1861–1867. And it illustrates many of Twain's early adventures, including a visit to Salt Lake City, gold and silver prospecting, real-estate speculation, a journey to the Kingdom of Hawaii, and the beginnings as a writer for Mark Twain.

It is a perfect example of adventure and exploration.

[boldygoing]

Jim drifts off somewhere in the first few chapters, Hunter's steady voice accompanying him into uneasy dreams, holding darker memories at bay as he rests.

The captain sleeps a lot, for the first few days. Every now and then, he's out for the entirety of Hunter's visit, leaving his friend and crew to keep each other company. Other times he's awake enough to hold a conversation, and as the days pass, he gets stronger, staying awake for longer as McCoy reduces his dosage of painkillers, beginning to build up strength in a body weakened from radiation.

A week after Jim wakes up from the coma, his immune system is built up enough that he's moved to a normal room, on a higher floor of Starfleet Medical. The captain's sitting up in bed when Hunter arrives, and while he looks tired, it's the type one tends to get from a workout rather than being in need of sleep. "Hey!" Jim greets him with a small smile.