boldygoing | Sleeping Re-Arrangements [for losthunter]

Entry tags:

hunter

Sleeping Re-Arrangements [for losthunter]

It's easy to lose track of the months when you spend your life counting stardates.

Jim sits in one corner of the officer's mess, a padd propped up against his coffee mug so he can read while he eats, going through the last of the daily reports he has to review. Nothing terribly riveting, of course, so his mind can't help but wander a bit, snatches of nearby conversations filtering through the dry monotony that is maintenance logs.

"-happened down in the xenobotany labs yesterday?"

"-call him tomorrow, I've been saving up transmission time-"

"-and the comet's loaded with iron, right? So I say-"

"-can't believe it's almost Halloween already. I wonder if the replicators can make candy corn?"

Jim freezes mid-scroll, his breath catching in his chest, the word Halloween sinking in like a stone thrown into a deep, deep lake, its cold settling into his bones and up his spine. The conversation behind him has already moved on, but he stays, tethered to that single word as it echoes endlessly through the silence in his head.

He's not hungry anymore, but he eats his dinner anyway. Every bite tastes like ash.

* * *

It's been weeks since Zunar came to Hunter's side, providing comfort and companionship as only a kneazle can. It's become routine for him to snuggle up to the human in the evenings, claiming a spot on Hunter's bed for himself before the man even comes to bed, and meowing at him until they're both settled in for the night.

Not tonight.

Zunar sniffs around until he finds Hunter's PINpoint, chirping, and pushes it towards Hunter with a paw. Hey, you. You'll need this.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Hunter has enjoyed the companionship of Zunar for the past few weeks. The presence of the kneazle at his side at night has been very reassuring.

Tonight, when Zunar pushes Hunter's PINpoint towards him, Hunter is curious.

"What's up?" He takes the PINpoint. "Is it Jim?"

"Mrrow." Zunar blinks up at him, and pats the PINpoint with a paw again before trotting off to find Hunter's toothbrush. Come on, human, time to pack your overnight things.

Good thing he's gotten familiar with all the items Hunter takes with him when he's away from home, isn't it?

"Okay okay okay..." Hunter grabs his overnight bag.

He sends a quick text to Jim. Are your quarters secure? For a guest? Me.

He packs up a few things, enough for a few nights, as he waits for the reply.

Jim's been on autopilot since leaving the mess hall. He doesn't remember a single crewman he passed in the corridor, vaguely knows he wished a few people good night, that he waved off Spock trying to draw him into a chess game with some excuse from the usual repertoire. And in the safety and solitude of his quarters, he's discarded the mantle of the captain of the Enterprise both physically and mentally, leaving just Jim behind.

He doesn't want to go to bed early, knowing just what kind of dreams are bound to be waiting for him. It's been a year. But the memories are not so easily buried, no matter how well he's learned to ignore them. And one little comment is enough to scrape away at the surface, scratching at the scars, threatening to break them open.

He sits in his quarters, lit only by the blue glow of warplight swirling outside his window, lost in his own thoughts. Alone.

Until his communicator chimes.

He doesn't hear it the first time, or the second, but the third shakes him from the daze. It takes him another handful of moments to understand what Hunter is asking. He wants to come over? Here? Now?

He's probably not fit for company. And it's late. But neither of these facts occur to Jim as he looks at the message. All that matters is that Hunter already knows. He'll understand. And even if he doesn't want to talk about any of it, not again, it would really be nice to have a friend right now.

He locks down his quarters, and sends a reply. Door's open.

Hunter reads the return message, and slings his overnight bag over his shoulder. Then he opens the PINpoint, before picking up Zunar with his free hand and walking through.

He has become pretty good at reading his boyfriend by now. And he notices that Jim looks physically and mentally exhausted.

"Hey..." He lets Zunar go to his bonded, before dropping his overnight bag.

"You okay?"

The shadows in the darkened captain's quarters aren't helping either, carving stark lines into Jim's face as he looks up at his visitor. "I'm fine," he says, years upon years of habit kicking in.

Zunar wriggles until Hunter lets him down, then makes a beeline for where Jim sits on the couch, purring as he leaps up into the captain's lap. We all know you're not fine, stop pretending.

Jim sighs, and buries a hand in the kneazle's fluffy fur. Can't get anything past this cat. And... he did make a promise, to be as honest as he can.

Hunter knows already. There's nothing to confess, no story to tell, bit by torturous bit. "I forgot," Jim says quietly.

The I'm fine was answered with a slight frown from Hunter. And he is glad that the kneazle reminded the other man that it was okay to be honest.

Hunter has been watching the calendar a lot closer than Jim had. Not because of what happened last year, but because of a Halloween years past, when he first insulted Kendra and was 'cursed'. But his own worries about Halloween are pushed away, when he thinks about what happened to Jim last year. The Nightmare realm.

He moves forward, kneeling by the man, to take one of his hands into his own.

"I'm here." No wonder Zunar wanted to return.

Jim's hand tightens around Hunter's, not quite the desperate grasp of a drowning man, but now that he's here, Jim's not eager to let go.

"...I hate this." The constant cycle of bad memories, revolving around and around, from one to the next to the next and back around again. The past few months might be the longest reprieve he's had in a long time, away from Earth its reminders, and for a while he'd let himself think that maybe he can move past it. He should've known better.

"Me too..." Hunter reaches up to stroke his fingers through Jim's hair. His boyfriend is amazingly confident most of the time. There is a certain appeal to the suave 'Starfleet Captain' who is not scared of anything.

But Hunter knows that there are things that scare Jim. And he hates to see how it still affects the other man. Wishes he could do something to ease the memories away.

"I would like to stay." They have not talked about this. About him staying overnight. Or longer. But Hunter knows that he needs to be here. For Jim. And for himself too.

"For as long as you want."

Jim stares blankly at him for a moment, uncertain quite what Hunter is asking. Stay? On board the Enterprise? ...can he do that?

Zunar's purring gets louder, rumbling against his thigh. Yes, good, both his humans in one place, so he can keep an eye on them. Just as he planned. Say yes already.

"...you can't let anyone see you here." The last thing Jim wants is his crew assuming there's an intruder on board. His own comfort comes second to the safety of the crew, and even as off-balance as he is now, they're his first priority. Jim would deal with this alone if he had to. He has before. Silent suffering is an old friend, an unwelcome visitor who never quite gets the hint that it's time to leave. Having someone else around, especially here... it's new, like fresh scar tissue, tender and fragile.

But still better than an open wound.

"Of course not." Hunter wouldn't want anyone on board to worry about an intruder. Only a few of them know of his existence and his relationship to Jim.

"I admit part of it is selfish of me. To just hold you at night again." Hunter admits.

"And if holding you is the one thing I can do. I want to be here."

Vaguely, Jim is aware that he'll need to think through the logistics of this, to hide the evidence of another person living in his quarters, not just visiting for a couple of hours every few weeks. Power usage, replicator logs, shower rations...
But that's something for the captain to worry about. Right now, in the darkness of his quarters and out of uniform, it's just Jim. And it's Jim who wants Hunter to stay.

"Yeah. Okay." It's only the ghost of a smile on his lips, hating that he's dragging Hunter into his own shit again, that he can't just bury the past and leave it in the grave where it belongs. But he doesn't have to close his eyes to know what's waiting for him there. And he's so very, very tired of being alone. Even the shame of needing someone else isn't enough to outweigh that, right now.

"...bed's small," he says after a moment, that faint smile trying to become a flirty one out of habit. Probably failing at it.

Hunter is relieved that Jim agreed. Especially after their time apart, Hunter has missed just holding the other man at night.

"I will have to hold you really close then." Hunter smiles back. Neither of them are in the right head space to flirt for real. This is a different kind of intimacy. Just being close to each other.

"Guess you'd better." Privately, Jim has to wonder how much real rest they're going to get, and not because of the bed.

Won't be the first time, at least.

Jim sighs quietly, and lets go of Hunter's hand to scrub a hand over his face, and through his hair. Trying to gather his thoughts, not that far gone yet, trying to stifle the worst of the dread. "...you need anything?"

Hunter kneels back for a moment, thinking about the question. "You said before that the bathroom is shared between Spock and yourself. How do I know if he is in there?"

"Hmm? Oh. Indicator by the door. Yellow's occupied, blue means it's empty." Jim nods across the room to the small panel next to the shared bathroom's door.

He hesitates a moment, then adds, "He'll probably know you're here, if that's what you're thinking."

"I had wondered." Hunter admits.

It makes him feel better not to worry about that anymore. And just relax in this decision to stay with Jim.

"Anything else you think I should know about staying in on-board?"

Jim's not given a lot of thought to long-term visitation, so he's sure there's more he's forgetting, little things that'll come up as they go along, depending on how long Hunter intends to stay. But there's at least one thing that leaps to the forefront, something more important than any other piece of guidance that he can give to Hunter about living on a starship.

"If there's an emergency while you're here," Jim says, and God he hopes there isn't, "where the lights all go red and an alarm sounds, that's a Red Alert. If that happens, I want you to get yourself out of here. Take Zunar with you and wait for me to call you." On his lap, the kneazle mrows in agreement, ready to protect Hunter while Jim is busy.

Jim leans forward to touch Hunter's face, and musters up a smile. "Shouldn't happen, but... it pays to be ready."

Hunter intends to stay as long as Jim needs him. He knows it will be an adjustment, but he wants to be where he is needed right now. And that is here.

"Lights going red and an alarm sounding." Hunter can remember that. He smiles down at the kneazle, running his fingers through Zunar's fur for a moment.

He leans into the touch to his face. Still very much someone who enjoys those simple gestures. "You know I will be waiting with worry... right?"

"Yeah, I know." No matter how much Jim says he'll be fine, they both know well enough that it's not true. Double that, if there's a real cause for worry. "But I've gotta make the calls to keep the crew safe, and I don't know if I can do that if I don't know you're out of harm's way. We're trained for this, you're not." The silent yet hangs in the air between them, a reminder that it might not always be the case, if Hunter does decide to enlist after all, and be more than just a temporary visitor aboard the Enterprise. But while he is, Jim's number one priority is making sure he's not in danger. No matter what shape that danger takes.

Hunter frowns. They said that they would be honest with each other. "The thought of you heading into harm's way... when I am fleeing... makes me feel a little useless."

"But I can understand why I can't stay in that situation, until I know what to do." And his eyes tell Jim that he wants to learn. That he wants to be useful.

"I make sure I am safe, so you can concentrate on your crew."

"I know."

It's a hard truth to accept, and Jim knows that. But this is part of what it is, to date a starship captain. To date Jim Kirk. It's not an easy road, and Jim would never lie to Hunter and try to tell him otherwise. Not anymore.

"Is there anything you need tonight?" Hunter strokes his fingers along Jim's arm. It might not be easy to date a starship captain -- but Hunter is in this for the long run. And this experience will be a first glance of what his life might be, as they continue down this road they have taken together.

It might be a harsh preview, that's for sure. But Jim is not going to deny Hunter the opportunity to find out firsthand, an irrational part of him still secretly afraid that the other man will come to his senses and walk out. And another selfish part of him really, really hoping that he sticks around.

"No... just you."

Hunter smiles softly at that. He stands up slightly, so he can wrap his arms around the other man. "That... I can do."

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Sleeping Re-Arrangements [for losthunter]

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject