boldygoing | (no subject)

He's known this could be coming for three years.

There was never any guarantee it would even happen. Timelines are touchy, unpredictable. One small detail may divert the entire course of the future. A major event might have surprisingly little impact, in the end. There are few who are more aware of the dangers of messing with time than James T. Kirk, and he's done his best not to think too hard on it, during his time out in the black.

But it's been impossible to avoid it completely.

There's no guarantee that he'll survive, just because his alternate did. No guarantee that this is even the same danger that he faced, despite the proximity to Yorktown. No promises of who lives and who dies, even if he acts exactly as he would have without any forewarning. Is this where his universe diverges again?

He can't think about that. Not right now. Can't go to the Nexus for help when their involvement might mean more deaths, might mean a greater catastrophe than the one already looming over his head. He has no time for anything but the here and now, and as the ship's lighting darkens to Red Alert, Jim's attention is firmly focused on the ship and his crew.

It seems to go on forever. It seems to take little time at all.

The mechanical swarm rips the Enterprise to shreds, amputating her nacelles. Decapitating her saucer. Broken shards spiraling off into the endless black, bodies and debris and great clouds of oxygen. The ship shudders and screams beneath his feet as she's torn apart, creating a swarm of her own as escape pods pop off all over the shattered pieces of the ship. Jim does not see what becomes of them. He is the last to leave the bridge, knowing even as he does that there could be others still trapped in the saucer as it descends towards the rocky planet below, her leading edge glowing orange-hot as atmosphere compresses at her bow. His escape pod joins the smoke trails leaking from the broken saucer, its transparent canopy giving him a clear view as what remains of his beloved ship strikes the mountains and comes to a shuddering halt, half-buried in scarred earth.

There is no time for regrets. No time to think on what else he might have done differently, no time to wonder about other timelines and other Enterprises. No time to think of Hunter.

This is survival.

And if there's one thing Jim knows, it's survival.

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There we go. Zunar cuddles close, his purrs loud enough to rumble in Hunter's chest.

Jim watches Hunter grapple with his emotions, wishing more than anything that he could be there in person. The tension in his shoulders relaxes a fraction, and he nods faintly. "It's been a hell of a day. Or two." He rubs his hand across his face again, rumpling the hair that's flopped across his forehead. "Okay. So. You heard about the Enterprise." He's not surprised that tidbit made it through to the broadcasts, but with no idea how much else was said, he's not sure where to start. This is not the first debriefing he's given today, but it's more personal. Closer to the heart.

Right. First thing's first. "Some of the crew didn't make it," he says, and though it cuts deep to lose anyone after all this time, it rests easier on his shoulders than it once would have. This is the risk that Starfleet takes, and he does not blame himself for their deaths. Well. Maybe a little. "I don't have exact figures yet, but a few dozen at least. Most of them made it out safely. Spock took a bad hit near the heart; he's going to be okay though. Everyone else you've met is all right."

"That must have been difficult... losing the Enterprise and some of the crew members..." While it is a relief that none of the few senior members that Hunter has met are okay, he still feels sorrow for those that lost their lives.

"When you have time, send me their crew profiles. I will create portrait memorials." He has done that before. It will feel different this time, actually going through the Academy himself.

"Is there any supplies I can send?"

Oh, Hunter. Already trying to find some way he can help, something he can do, even from thousands of lightyears away. No matter what his own fears had been. How could Jim not love him? Tired though he is, there's warmth in Jim's eyes when he looks at his boyfriend on the other end of the transmission, easing the lines that stress has etched into his face. "Starfleet has us set up with the basics. Commodore Paris has allocated quarters for us until we get our next orders. Um, not sure what they're going to do, but a new ship might be an option."

Only three years into a five year mission... will Starfleet scrub it completely, or continue onward? Jim thinks of chess nights aboard an Enterprise that isn't his, and hope has settled firmly in his chest.

"Once things are cleaned up here, I'll see if we can get back to the crash site to see if anything's salvageable," he adds. "The saucer got smashed around a lot but it was mostly intact, so we'll probably be able to save some personal items." But he knows well how it can help to have something to do, some way to help, so he smiles tiredly into the visual pickup. "I could use a book or two, in the meantime."

Hunter is a little disappointed that the one thing he could do, which was to send supplies, is gently refused. But it makes sense. Starfleet would question if a whole lot of supplies suddenly arrived.

"Do you know how long you will be assigned to the allocated quarters?" How long will they have to continue to be separated like this. Hunter knows that the secret PINpoint dates are unlikely to happen again in the near future.

"I can send you a few books." He nods with understanding.

Jim shakes his head, pretty sure he can guess what Hunter is thinking. "Not yet. If I know Starfleet, it'll be at least a week before they decide what to do with us. There's a shipyard here on Yorktown, so they might have us stay for a while." But that doesn't mean they'll be separated the entire time, of course. "We'll probably get some downtime out of this. Once things settle down."

In Hunter's lap, Zunar rubs his furry head against the man's hands, purring steadily. See, human, everything will be all right.

Jim's smile dims just slightly. "It was a trap," he says, and even if Starfleet wants to keep the details under wraps, that's not going to stop him from keeping his boyfriend in the loop. Enough so his imagination won't be running wild, giving him nightmares of what might have happened. "Someone with a grudge against the Federation from a long time ago. They baited us into the nebula and cut the Enterprise apart. We separated the saucer section; it crashed on the same planet Krall was using as a base. He wasn't the only one there though. Her name's Jaylah, she did most of the heavy lifting fixing up the USS Franklin over the years she was trapped there. We took her with us when we got off the planet."

Hunter frowns. At one time, he had really had hoped there could be less secretive dates. So he could openly spend time with Jim, without worrying about someone finding him. And it just sounds like their relationship has to be pushed back into a dark corner again. He hates that.

"That sucks." He says to the information about it being a trap. "But it sounds like you met someone useful."

Jim nods, a small smile on his lips. "Yeah, she might be joining you at the Academy soon, actually. Starfleet could use crew like her. I intend to put in a good word for her."

He can see that unhappiness on Hunter's face, though. God, why do they have to be so far apart right now? All Jim wants to do is hold him in his arms. "If they do give us another ship, I'm going to need more crew," he adds softly. "You're still on track for graduation, right?"

The fact that Jim already put in a good word to Starfleet about Jaylah gets a slight raised eyebrow. There is a tinge of jealously there -- not because he is worried about Jim betraying their romantic relationship, but more envious about how close Jaylah was able to get to already be considered someone to recommend.

It is not fair. He can't be there. He can't be at Jim's side.

He knows that the Senior Crew, and now Jaylah, have Jim's back. But he would really prefer to be there himself.

Luckily, the fact that Jim is asking about Hunter's graduation does give him some hope back. That they can serve on a ship together.

"I am. I needed some mental time from classes after... learning what happened today."

Jim nods, a sympathetic crease between his eyebrows. "Yeah, I bet. I... haven't taken a look at the news yet, but I can imagine."

What a mess today has been.

But it could have been a lot worse, too.

But as tired as Jim is, it's only a physical exhaustion. The lethargic apathy that had been creeping up on him, little by little, has been pushed back and left him more determined than ever to see this mission through. And the thought that Hunter could be joining him soon... he smiles a little, and nods. "If they send us back out there," he says, leaning forward a little, as if that could bring him closer to Hunter, "I'm not going without you."

Hunter reaches out to touch the screen. His fingers caressing over where Jim's face is... as if he could transfer the light caress despite the distance.

"You just have to stay safe, until I can join you then." Hunter notes softly.

"That's the plan." Jim doesn't have the slightest idea what comes next, but at the same time, that's kind of exciting. The shadow of today has hung over him for a long time coming, and now that it's over, it's as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders that he hadn't even realized was there.

He smiles gently. "Get some rest, okay? I'll call you tomorrow."