boldygoing | Chess Aboard the Enterprise [for smartass

Chess Aboard the Enterprise [for smartass_captain]

It feels like it's been ages since Jim has gotten to sit down with the other Kirk, under pretty much any circumstances, really. Between whatever happened with his double's Enterprise and all the pre-launch chaos on his own end, even their interrupted chess game from the previous year was better finished via PINpoint, snapshots and chess positions sent digitally every now and then, drawn out nearly a week before the other captain could claim victory. And then it's just been busy busy busy since then, their duties keeping them both occupied, an unspoken understanding that comes from experience sitting in the very same captain's seat that the ship and her crew come first, always.

Call it a rare yet fortunate break in the routine, then, that they both have a couple hours free at the same time. The door to the captain's quarters is sealed against anything less than a CMO override, a replicated pot of coffee and two mugs set out by the chess set, an unconscious mirror of the setup from the first time they did this, on the other ship. But the small knickknacks are different, small tokens of Hunter's influence following him even here. Small hanging plants below the wall shelf, a whiskey dispenser with a handcrafted Enterprise inside, a strange manual style of calendar set to today's date, among other things. And on top of a wooden bookshelf, a long line of colorful origami animals standing guard over battered old paper books.

With everything set, there's only the guest of honor to attend to, a quick message sent to the second-most familiar contact in his PINpoint.

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The Rule. The single, simple reason why he's kept everyone at arm's length his entire life, proven true again and again. Never letting himself get too attached, so when the inevitable break comes, he can just shrug and move on. He's lost count of how many times it's happened, the worst of it striking deep enough to remind him never to let it happen again.

Except he hasn't, has he? Human nature wins out in the end, no matter how much he'd deny it. Has denied it. Even the Vulcans have more lurking under their impassive shells than they're willing to admit; what chance did one human have?

It terrifies him, to face that truth. Whether he'd meant to or not, he cares. And he has no idea what to do, a man adrift at sea in a storm, all he can do to just hold on and hope the world makes sense again.

So he just listens, and nods, hoping he doesn't look half as lost as he feels. "No strings attached," he agrees quietly. "It was easier that way, for everyone. No one ever stuck around long enough for it to make a difference anyway." Until Starfleet. Until Pike, and Bones, and everyone that came with. Until the Nexus. And Hunter.

That's a look of unease and fear Jim knows all too well.

Fucking Pike. They were screwed the minute the bastard got them to enlist in Starfleet. Without him who even knows where either of them would be? Not captains of the best goddamn ship in the fleet having this conversation, that's for sure. The way Jim was going he'd be lucky if he got shipped off to another colony to go drift on after so many more arrests.

It might not have been the meeting either of them wanted back then, but having stepped outside of his father's shadow and found he can walk on his own Jim knows it was the right thing. Knows that Felix is the right thing for him. Maybe in a few years this Jim will know that too.

"Should have taken one thing into account. When do we ever have anything go as planned?" The older Kirk takes a pointed sip of coffee and leans back in his seat. "I knew how I felt and tried to hide it. Told myself if I never said anything Felix wouldn't know. He could keep on thinking this was a fling and when he got sick of me I'd...get over it. I'm a shitty liar when I'm drunk though, and once it slipped out...there wasn't any way to take it back."

He didn't want to even.

"Does Hunter know yet? I'm going to assume not, since you can't get three sheets to the wind drunk and express your deepest held secrets with no regard for the consequences of them quite so easily."

Edited 2018-08-30 01:23 (UTC)

Strange that for all their similarities, this one really is like looking into a mirror, backwards and all. Jim shakes his head and sets the rook in its place on the board, busying his hands with the other pieces, stalling for time.

"Hell no. I didn't figure it out until last week," he admits, the first time he's said as much aloud, and it's just as strange as he thought it'd be. "He's been telling me he loves me for... I don't even know how long. But I thought it was just... the thing people say. When you're together."

It's not like he was the first to say so. He's lost track of how many one-night stands said as much, even as recently as Gaila, at the Academy. Jim never took them seriously, not once. Fame and a handsome face were to blame, surely. No one ever really meant it, not after just one night. But he's never had someone say so for weeks, months, a year. Never learned how to look past the surface and figure out when it's not just words, not just a sweet nothing to smooth over their time together.

"At least you don't have to worry if it's reciprocated then."

Jim props his chin in hand and turns that sharp blue eyed gaze down to the board instead to give his younger companion some small level of privacy and dignity while they're talking about something so goddamn terrifying. Just remembering Jim is engaged still makes his stomach flip every so often even though he's known for months there's nothing more that he wants than to take Felix back with him when he finally gets to leave Yorktown behind.

"I'm going to break the rules." Because they're already talking and this needs to be said.

"What do you want? Not tomorrow, not a month from now. If you decide to do this, in what scenario do you see it working out? You going to stop manning the ship? Bring Hunter along? I mean you have a PINpoint so you could have the easiest long distance relationship of anyone in the fleet. Because those are the things I didn't think about and this shit is fucking petrifying enough without realizing a year later you were a colossal fucking idiot like I was."

'I'm going to break the rules' is probably the least surprising thing that either one of them has ever said, though in this instance, it just serves to tighten the knot in Jim's stomach, waiting for what comes next.

And what a question it is. Jim's first instinct is to recoil, go on the defensive, hotly deny everything like he always has. And... he wouldn't entirely be lying if he said there's no way he'd give this up, not for anything or anyone, his soul too starbound to be content doing anything less than captaining a starship. Just one taste is all it took to make it abundantly clear that this is what he was born to do, where he belongs, more than anywhere else in the universe. He can't stop. Won't.

Then why does it hurt to think about it?

And he's never even thought about trying to bring Hunter aboard. No idea if the other man would ever agree, or be able to find a home one universe and hundreds of lightyears from his planetside life, even if Jim asked. If it would be safe, if Starfleet would even accept a civilian along for the ride, if Hunter could - or would even want to - find a place in the ranks. But knowing now the fear of not knowing where Hunter is, whether he's safe and secure, how can he just leave him behind, content to leave messages and trinkets and only see each other maybe a couple of times a year?

It makes no sense, his heart pulled in too many directions, leaving him muddled and confused, silent for long moments while he struggles to find an answer. For himself, if nothing else. He lines up the white chess pieces on the board, right where they should be, and he envies them for knowing their places so easily.

"I don't know."

Of course he doesn't.

Hell, Jim's engaged and he doesn't even know the answer to that question in the long term. Doesn't know how he's going to make any of this work out with Felix or his family or if Starfleet digs too deeply on his fiance's paperwork and credentials for working on the ship. Hell, the title's just a fancy excuse to get Felix access to the labs so he can continue his magic research and alchemy. All of this is a mess and yet Jim's plowing forward because he knows what he wants.

If he can get the younger captain thinking about that seriously, then he's done his job well. Maybe not today or tomorrow but the idea has been planted. Hopefully it sticks.

"Didn't figure you would. Besides, I'm not the one who needs to know the answer anyhow. In the meantime if you're feeling overwhelmed you can always come talk to me or invite me over. We can go running in the Nexus if that's your thing or something."

As his counterpart no doubt knew he would, Jim all but leaps at the chance to change the subject. Talking about this sort of thing is hard, never mind at length, and with no idea what direction he should even be heading with all this, a reprieve is a welcome sight. "Better than the two of us running my usual circuit on Deck Eight," he says, a smirk automatically sliding into place to cover the awkwardness, the doubt still gnawing at him with sharper teeth than he'd expected. "I don't think I made it a month before I gave up on treadmills. Way too boring."

With the board reset, Jim takes one of his knights and hops it over the line of pawns, setting another game into motion. "Thanks. For... you know." The game, the pep talk, any and all of it. Most folks who talk themselves through shit don't have the benefit of actually talking like this, and he'll take it for all it's worth.

"As much as I'd love to, and I really fucking wold, I don't think the crew would take to that image all too well. At least up until you left me behind and they wondered why they'd see me tired and clean faced when a minute ago I was fine and had a beard."

Jim rolls his eyes at the thought but there is the tug in his gut that wants to go to Deck Eight. Wants to go see the bridge, the observation deck. Anything. Everything. He misses the ship so goddamn much. So fucking much but it's gone. The Enterprise is gone. She died helping Jim protect what was left of her crew. He'll forever be grateful.

A new game has started though. Jim takes a long moment to ponder what it is he wants to do this round. He moves one of his pawns in a way that won't put it in danger of the knight for now and considers his options.

"I've been doing a lot of hiking and archery lately for my workouts."

That look of longing is easily read by the younger Jim, and man, he kinda wishes he could let the other guy do a walk-around, just once. Maybe it'd be a bad idea, maybe it'd be too weird, but either way it sure isn't happening today. Better not to mention it, probably.

Out comes the other knight, a variant on a Vulcan gambit he's picked up from playing against Spock. Something the other captain might be familiar with, but with an illogical human twist of his own making, assuming his companion hasn't already tried this one himself. Worth a shot. "Oh yeah? I'm guessing you've gotta slip out to, uh, Tamriel for that." He's only heard about it a couple times, but what little he has heard intrigues him. "What's it like over there, anyway?"

Jim's being a bit hard on himself. His stamina's gotten a heck of a lot better with months of high incline hikes under his belt. He may not be as fast as his younger counterpart but he can plow on for quite some time. That coupled with his normal workouts and archery has had Jim in better shape than he's been in quite some time.

It's no sparring and jogging with Captain America, but it's not nothing either.

Is he trying to play the triple defense against Jim? Is that's what's happening here? It's still too early to tell but the captain hates these gambits of Spock's and he's not about to let the younger captain start setting up such a strong defense. He'll challenge one of the knights to force it out of position or risk it being lost to his own piece.

"More often than not yeah." Jim sets his mug aside for the moment and smiles. He likes Tamriel when he's not getting kidnapped by bandits. "They're in Skyrim right now, which is a mountainous northern territory on the continent. It's a rock climber and hiker's fantasy out there. I'm having a blast."

Damn, that was fast. Out of position it is, though Jim knows damn well it's going to be an uphill battle to get it back where he needs it. He scratches at his beard as he studies the board, considering alternate strategies to use from here. It's still early, there's plenty he can try. Maybe not so much as he can get away with, but that's the fun of it.

It's been a long time since he's gone mountain-climbing, and he can't help but be a bit envious. "Skyrim... sounds poetic." In a good way. "Better than Yosemite?"

"Can't even compare. I need to take a picture of the night sky there and send it back to you because damn. It's something else entirely. That's the other half of the reward to all the climbing. The trip up's the first half though I don't think Felix appreciates it the way I do."

It's not a treat or an excursion to the mage, after all. It's just his commute to get to anywhere worth visiting. They've gotten used to some social differences though. Had to, over the years.

"Yosemite would be a lot safer though, is the trade off. Skyrim's pretty dangerous."

Jim hasn't even seen the place and he's already envious, what with the way the other captain talks about it. He smirks over at his companion, eyeing the board and shifting another piece. "Oh yeah, I can see that stops you." Like a little danger would scare off James T. Kirk. If Tiberius wasn't his middle name already, he'd have adopted that particular alternative a long time ago. Or so the joke goes.

"I just want to get back to the mission. All of this, it's something to use up my free time until the new ship is ready. Figured I might as well spend it getting to know my fiance's world a bit better. Sooner or later I'm going to have to meet his family and lie through my teeth about who and what I am. The more I learn about Skyrim now, the better it will go."

Jim shifts a piece and looks back up at his companion. He's tired of the silence that's been forced between them ever since he lost the ship. All that shit that he can't talk about has kept them from interacting much in the months since and Jim's sick of it. He might as well talk about the stuff he can talk about.

Might even be good for him to do it.

"Just because a little danger doesn't stop me doesn't mean I go looking for it, either." Anymore. He's grown out of that particular impulse at least Jim would like to think that.

All right, yeah, he's got a point there. A little cultural research goes a long way, and if you're planning to marry somebody from an alien planet, it's probably a damn good idea to know how to blend in when visiting. Jim tilts his head a little, conceding the point.

The additional comment has him looking up again, that familiar captainly tone proving his seriousness, and Jim considers that, his teasing smile fading a bit. "No, I guess not. Old habits, sorry." Choice of career aside, he hasn't done much thrillseeking in the last year or so either, not since the warp core. Hasn't had time, even if he'd had the inclination. But he's got enough of it coming his way as it is, and whatever happened last January just goes to prove that all the more.

"Believe me, we get more than our fair share of dangerous situations without having to scope out opportunities to add on to it."

Maybe if it were just Jim he had to worry about that would be different. He's always been more than a little cavalier about his own safety and well being and that honestly hasn't changed a whole lot in the years between them. He's still the first one to jump into danger if it will save someone else. Anyone else. But the lives of his crew are depending on him. Felix is counting on him to come back alive.

Jim has to be a bit more careful than he used to be. His life isn't just his own anymore.

"Still feels weird to think about."

That's a pretty open statement, and Jim can think of a couple things his companion might be referring to. "Which part?"

So far, his renewed strategy isn't turning out quite how he'd hoped, his offensive gambit broken well enough that he's just improvising now. Still, that's what he's best at. He taps a finger against his chin for a moment, thinking, before he puts his queen into play. All in.

"I'm not used to putting a worth on my own life. I mean, we both know why it's been ingrained out of us but...I can't do that anymore. It's not fair to my crew, and moreover it's not fair to Felix. I have to be more careful."

He's always been the expendable one and he's always known it deep down. He surrounds himself with the best and the brightest and really what do they need him for? It's in Jim's nature to sell himself short when the cards are on the table. His ego is a huge thing right up until someone has to stay behind. Take the fall.

Make the climb.

Jim hums in thought before positioning one of his bishops on the topmost terrace of the board where it will have the most potential to strike. Come at him, ~~bro~~ Captain.

"It's not easy and I probably won't be great at it."

Weird to think about, and even weirder to hear, on his end. Jim's not used to hearing that kind of levelheaded, mature opinion in his own voice, and not for the first time, he wonders what the hell the other captain's been through to provoke that kind of change. Maybe just three years separation makes more difference than he's thought.

But what the hell, Jim's been learning how to be patient. If it comes, it'll come, when and where it's supposed to. And if not, well, nobody ever said he had to follow in anybody else's footsteps, even if that person is another Jim Kirk. It's not like destiny is a thing.

Even if the universe does seem to have a sense of humor about the whole thing sometimes.

Jim looks across the board at his companion, and gives him a small, knowing smile. "Maybe. But since when have we ever done something because it's easy?"

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Chess Aboard the Enterprise [for smartass_captain]

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