boldygoing | Chess Aboard the Enterprise [for smartass

Jim's afternoon meeting has been rescheduled to the morning after. Doubtless Felix will be cross he chose to head back to Tamriel for some magic practice with Jim having some unexpected free time but them's the breaks. Ordinarily Jim would be spending that free time in the Nexus wandering around and getting some groceries or chatting up friends. Today though, when his counterpart's text comes through Jim is seated on his couch in his apartment in Yorktown dutifully taking notes out of a leather bound alchemy tome when the message goes through.

He scoops it up and smiles just a bit at the younger captain's request. It won't even occur to him until after he's grabbed his leather jacket and pulled it on over his teeshirt that this means going back to the Enterprise.

Just, not his.

The sound of the engines hits him first. The hum he's been missing underfoot for months now. For a second Jim aches to just fall to his knees and spread his palms flat against the floor to better feel the soft steady vibrations. Tiber squirms in his arms and drops down onto the floor to do just that, spreading his beans out as he stretches before chirping up to Jim. Everything seems fine to him!

He catches sight of the younger captain and pushes a smile onto his face.

"Sorry. It's been a while since I've been on the ship."

Tiber's chirp is answered with another, similar chirp. Up on the table, Zunar stops sniffing at the chess pieces and hops down to the floor, tail high and friendly as he trots over to boop noses with his brother. Hey there, friend!

Jim's own smile is a little distant, more reflexive than anything, but it's still genuinely good to see the other guy. "Nah, you don't gotta apologize." The less fuss he makes over the momentary lapse, the better for both of them. Though he has to wonder if being here, a ghost ship under the other captain's boots, will help ease hidden hurts, or drive the knife deeper.

Not like he can really ask. Not about this one.

But if Jim Kirk knows one thing, it's bullshitting that he's fine, and he's more than content to offer that same BS for his counterpart. "C'mon in. Coffee's hot."

Oh hallo friend! Tiber's purr is nearly immediate, little motor going as his tail curls affectionately around the other half grown cat while he rubs his face against his brother. Fancy seeing you here in this place that smells like you and your human.

Normally Jim's paying better attention to Tiber since the young cat has a habit of running off and finding some kind of trouble but right now just taking a moment to stand in his counterpart's quarters and take it all in is much more important. They've arranged the furniture much the same way though the bookcases and books are something he's never seen before. Whatever books his father owned are carefully shelved back in Iowa. It's never occurred for him to take them on board the Enterprise.

Other knickknacks seem out of place too, and the dragon stauette is of course no where to be seen. Largely though, if Jim just sat back and didn't think too hard about it, this could be his quarters. Strange.

His boots make the same familiar noise against the thin carpeted floor. The smell of replicated coffee fills the room as Jim moves further into the quarters and trails his fingers gently across the length of the younger captain's desk as he does. Belatedly he remembers why they're here though and he finally turns that same attention onto the younger captain. Studying his face carefully for sign of trouble.

"We here for the usual or what?"

Most other people probably wouldn't be able to read him as well, but then, the other's not most other people. There's no nightmare-inducing trauma this time, at least, but there's an almost pensive look on his eyes, something quietly serious weighing on his mind, a flicker of uncertainty well masked by the casual posture he's adopted. "If you're up for it. I could use a game."

He figures he doesn't need to say he won't ask about Yorktown; it's been long enough that if he'd really wanted to put a phaser to the timeline's head, he would've done it months ago. Instead he just moves to the couch, settling in to the side he rarely uses, and picks up one of the mugs. At least it's coffee on offer and not whiskey, not that that means much to this Jim anymore these days. "I think it's your turn to play white."

Normally, his human sitting down would be a signal for Zunar to jump up on his lap and start serenading him with his finest purrs and mews. But the human has another human right now, and boy does this young kneazle need a break. He mrrows to Tiber, an invitation to come explore all the exciting hidey places and shadows he's found.

He's got something on his mind, that's for sure. Something he probably wants an ear for but there's not really anyone they can trust for this kind of thing. He doesn't look like death on legs so it's not nightmare related more than likely. Crew trouble? Jim wracks his brain for anything that could have happened the first few months aboard and comes to a screeching halt. Jim's never hoped so hard that their timelines would be different than he is right now. His younger companion doesn't look nearly so broken up for it to be the case, but who even knows?

Jim nods and takes his preferred seat without making his younger companion wait a minute longer than necessary.

"Thanks for helping Norn out the other day, by the by. I just about had a heart attack when you called me." Coffee in hand and board in front of him Jim turns his attention to the board and how best to let the other captain have it. He has to win if he's going to ask any questions. Those are the rules, here. And if there's something the other Jim wants to ask him then Jim can expect to be in for a rough match.

Prrrow? They're not gonna sit with the humans? Fine by Tiber, he's never been on a ship before! There's so many chirps and hums and other noises. So many smells! Give him the tour, brother, he will be right behind you.

A more genuine smile tugs at his lips at the mention of the quiet lieutenant. "No problem. I'm glad he made it back all right; he seems like a nice guy. Although for a second I thought he was gonna pass out when he saw me." One hand absently reaches up to scratch at his beard, the apparent instigator of it all.

Jim watches the other captain study the board, trying to pick an opening gambit. One small move can make or break a match, they both know well enough. Unlike prior games, though, Jim's not too worried about what will happen if he loses, not that he'd prefer that or anything. Either way, he'll probably get what he needs out of all this, whether or not he can trick himself into denying it was his idea to talk in the first place. Better than subjecting himself to a psychologist, 'cuz that ain't happening, ever.

He glances briefly towards the kneazles, just in time to see two orange tails vanish beneath the bed in the living quarters, pride and curiosity trickling through the bond. Satisfied that they're not getting into anything they shouldn't (yet), he turns his attention back to the board. "It's like some kinda cosmic joke that after all that fuss to get you another PINpoint, there was a door on Yorktown the whole time."

"He took it pretty well. Had to give him the 'classified' talk but Norn's not the kind of guy I really have to worry about saying much out of turn. Hell, I have a hard enough time getting him to talk when he should."

Jim moves one of his center pawns and pulls his hand away from the board so he can turn his attention to the coffee. He only grimaces a little bit at the taste.

"I can't believe I'm even missing this shit." He'll be sick of it within a week but if it means they're back in the Black he'd drink it happily every day for the rest of his goddamn life. Even with the struggles that inevitably come from being out in the Great Unknown. "Oh, it's not a stable one. Had to PINpoint Norn out of there in the end. Felix looked all over but he couldn't find the door. And reaching across planes is kind of his whole deal."

"Yeah, I noticed that part. I guess if someone's gonna find out, the guy who isn't gonna blab it to the crew is the one to do it." He rests the hot mug on one knee as he leans forward a little, studying the other's move. A common enough opening, not enough to guess his strategy yet.

He slides one black pawn forward, one column off from the other's vanguard. Another common counter, or is it bait? Too early to tell, and Jim's poker face is solid, helped along by the mild distraction of idle conversation.

"Figures." No stranger to relocating portals, Jim is not really that surprised. The universe seems to like making things as inconvenient as possible sometimes, to boot. Of course it would dump poor Lieutenant Norn into the Nexus without so much as a warning, and slam the door behind him. "Probably for the best. The last thing you need is civilians wandering through."

"Hm." Now's as good of a time as any to try out a new gambit he's been working on over the last few months. He hasn't been sure enough of it yet to try it on Spock but he's a bit curious what the younger captain will make of it. Much as he enjoys spending time with Felix, the mage is still learning the game. Beating him with it isn't really the sort of thing he can count as useful data. No better time than the present. Jim moves his freed knight up onto the second terrace where it will have more options for attacks.

"It's a huge relief honestly. I didn't want to worry about there being a huge freakout in Yorktown with a random ass door to the Nexus. That would be a nightmare to deal with, especially since I"m not sticking around there longer than I have to."

Edited 2018-08-27 01:08 (UTC)

Jim's eyebrows go skyward a notch as he studies the board, trying to guess where his older companion's going with this. Not a standard opening, that's for sure. But it's been months since they got to sit down and play a game; it'd be even more of a surprise if he hadn't looked into new moves.

"No kidding." Hmm. Second level... Jim moves a bishop into play, still unsure what tactic he's defending against, but maneuvering his own pieces to better defend the king. Let's see where this goes first. "How long's Starfleet gonna make you sit on your hands, anyway?"

Jim stops from taking the pawn he was going to move and glances over the board to the other captain with a careful expression on his face. He wants to talk about everything he's been up to but there's just so much of it he really can't share without putting timelines in jeopardy. His doppelganger already knows too much, including the fact that he's lost the Enterprise.

"There was a lot to do, this time." He settles on instead. It's something both of them will understand from their last time picking up the pieces after a chunk of their crew and ship went down with the Khan fiasco. "I want to make sure we're ready to go back out there." He moves the pawn anyway once he's satisfied with his answer.

From nearby there's a bit of a thunk and the sounds of a scuffle as whatever the brothers have found under the bed seems to have incited mandatory play-fighting time because of it. Who gets to poke their nose somewhere first, perhaps? Either way it offers a few bumps and tumbles by way of distraction.

It's a fair answer, about as vague as Jim had expected. Even as much as he already knows and shouldn't, it hasn't been terribly hard to miss the fact that the other captain is still grounded, for the time being. Nor will it be hard to miss when he finally gets his butt back out there in the black, probably. So he takes that answer at face value, not intending to pry any deeper than that. "Yeah, I bet. I don't envy you the paperwork."

A comfortable sort of silence takes hold, broken by the patter of paws zooming to new and exciting corners of the captain's quarters as the game continues. Jim's brows draw together in a frown of concentration as he analyzes the other's moves, unfamiliar but not exactly strange, his own countermoves shifting to a more aggressive playstyle, a war of attrition in hopes of crippling whatever offense his companion is presenting before they come to the endgame.

Signing off on the crew alone has taken months to get sorted. Captain Kirk and his senior officers might have gotten good at their methodology for hiring on crew after the last incident but there were still two hundred plus positions to fill and the pool of applicants felt like damn near all of Starfleet trying to get on board.

Anyone they even considered needed to pass the bar for being able to finish out the five year mission since they were headed right back out into the Black. Bones better believe Jim didn't try to get their time shortened out there. Hell, he argued to make sure they got the full five years even though they were going to be stuck in Yorktown for the better part of a year getting back on their feet.

"Hnn." Well, this tactic isn't quite working out the way Jim had hoped for. It's not that the gambit is a bad one but perhaps it's not very good used against himself. The younger captain is much more proactively aggressive, making it difficult for him to get any traction. The second he claims one of Jim's knights he has to abandon the plan entirely and switch to attack to see if he can salvage this. It'll probably work a lot better against Spock.

"Don't even remind me about the paperwork. If I ever see another form in triplicate again it'll be too soon."

It's only a small sound, a minute shift in the other's expression, but Jim has only ever needed an inch to take a mile. Whatever the strategy was, he's clearly broken it somehow, and he uses that to press the advantage. A multi-level bait-and-switch, sacrificing his superior numbers to draw the remaining white pieces out of position so he can set a trap for the king.

"Who knew exploring the universe was gonna come with so much bureaucracy," he agrees, one side of his mouth quirking up in a faint, knowing smirk. "Good thing it's not real paper anymore or they'd have to build starships twice as big just to hold it all."

Well, shit. This is going nowhere quickly. That's not entirely accurate. This is going someplace specific really quickly and that someplace is 'to hell'. He really was spread out too thin there trying to get set up and it's not too long before Jim's reaching over to tip his king over in defeat. He got some valuable data out of this but it's never easy for a man as proud as they both can be to lose.

Jim sighs and finishes off his mug of coffee with a pleased hum. This tastes so much worse than the coffee he has back at the apartment ant yet he's missed it. Misses everything about where he is right now, even if this isn't his.

It's a nearly physical ache to be inside the Enterprise once more. The new ship is a beaut but it won't be the same.

"Alright, I guess I'm up first. Ask away."

For a guy who really hates losing, Jim doesn't tend to gloat when he wins either. There's a pleased look on his face when the white king finally topples, but it's short-lived, that pensive, thoughtful look creeping back in.

He reaches out to reset the board, and finds himself fidgeting with one of the rooks, turning it over in his fingers. It's probably odd, that he would find something this innocuous so difficult to ask about. But Jim is also a man who guards his heart tightly, burned too many times to open himself back up to the flame, no matter how beautiful.

It's not the sort of thing he would take lightly, to bare to a friend, no matter how close. But if anyone will understand, it's his older companion.

"You and Felix," he says at last, raising his gaze back up to meet the other captain's. "When you realized it wasn't just a fling anymore. What'd you do?"

Considering the nature of their game and the rules at play, nobody really wins and nobody really loses. The game is just the wrapping paper on a present nobody wants. It's the only way to get them to do this. Framing it this way helps. Jim busies himself with the carafe of coffee while his younger companion resets the board with white facing himself now instead of Jim.

It's a good thing he wasn't drinking when the question comes because Jim probably would have choked on his drink. Sure, he was calling it months ago but that's because he's been there. Hearing the other one admit it is what he's so startled by.

"I freaked out. Avoided the Nexus for three weeks and had I don't know how many panic attacks. Considered heading out to the sleaziest bar I could find and hooking up with someone. Anyone else." He's not proud of that thought, but it doesn't make it untrue and the younger captain won fair and square. Jim owes him honesty.

"I didn't want it to be over, is the thing. But I didn't know how else to prove I wasn't the kind of guy you have not-flings with. It was The Rule for a reason. Everyone always leaves. If you don't give them the chance to do it no one has to be hurt."

Edited 2018-08-30 00:53 (UTC)

The Rule. The single, simple reason why he's kept everyone at arm's length his entire life, proven true again and again. Never letting himself get too attached, so when the inevitable break comes, he can just shrug and move on. He's lost count of how many times it's happened, the worst of it striking deep enough to remind him never to let it happen again.

Except he hasn't, has he? Human nature wins out in the end, no matter how much he'd deny it. Has denied it. Even the Vulcans have more lurking under their impassive shells than they're willing to admit; what chance did one human have?

It terrifies him, to face that truth. Whether he'd meant to or not, he cares. And he has no idea what to do, a man adrift at sea in a storm, all he can do to just hold on and hope the world makes sense again.

So he just listens, and nods, hoping he doesn't look half as lost as he feels. "No strings attached," he agrees quietly. "It was easier that way, for everyone. No one ever stuck around long enough for it to make a difference anyway." Until Starfleet. Until Pike, and Bones, and everyone that came with. Until the Nexus. And Hunter.

That's a look of unease and fear Jim knows all too well.

Fucking Pike. They were screwed the minute the bastard got them to enlist in Starfleet. Without him who even knows where either of them would be? Not captains of the best goddamn ship in the fleet having this conversation, that's for sure. The way Jim was going he'd be lucky if he got shipped off to another colony to go drift on after so many more arrests.

It might not have been the meeting either of them wanted back then, but having stepped outside of his father's shadow and found he can walk on his own Jim knows it was the right thing. Knows that Felix is the right thing for him. Maybe in a few years this Jim will know that too.

"Should have taken one thing into account. When do we ever have anything go as planned?" The older Kirk takes a pointed sip of coffee and leans back in his seat. "I knew how I felt and tried to hide it. Told myself if I never said anything Felix wouldn't know. He could keep on thinking this was a fling and when he got sick of me I'd...get over it. I'm a shitty liar when I'm drunk though, and once it slipped out...there wasn't any way to take it back."

He didn't want to even.

"Does Hunter know yet? I'm going to assume not, since you can't get three sheets to the wind drunk and express your deepest held secrets with no regard for the consequences of them quite so easily."

Edited 2018-08-30 01:23 (UTC)

Strange that for all their similarities, this one really is like looking into a mirror, backwards and all. Jim shakes his head and sets the rook in its place on the board, busying his hands with the other pieces, stalling for time.

"Hell no. I didn't figure it out until last week," he admits, the first time he's said as much aloud, and it's just as strange as he thought it'd be. "He's been telling me he loves me for... I don't even know how long. But I thought it was just... the thing people say. When you're together."

It's not like he was the first to say so. He's lost track of how many one-night stands said as much, even as recently as Gaila, at the Academy. Jim never took them seriously, not once. Fame and a handsome face were to blame, surely. No one ever really meant it, not after just one night. But he's never had someone say so for weeks, months, a year. Never learned how to look past the surface and figure out when it's not just words, not just a sweet nothing to smooth over their time together.

"At least you don't have to worry if it's reciprocated then."

Jim props his chin in hand and turns that sharp blue eyed gaze down to the board instead to give his younger companion some small level of privacy and dignity while they're talking about something so goddamn terrifying. Just remembering Jim is engaged still makes his stomach flip every so often even though he's known for months there's nothing more that he wants than to take Felix back with him when he finally gets to leave Yorktown behind.

"I'm going to break the rules." Because they're already talking and this needs to be said.

"What do you want? Not tomorrow, not a month from now. If you decide to do this, in what scenario do you see it working out? You going to stop manning the ship? Bring Hunter along? I mean you have a PINpoint so you could have the easiest long distance relationship of anyone in the fleet. Because those are the things I didn't think about and this shit is fucking petrifying enough without realizing a year later you were a colossal fucking idiot like I was."

'I'm going to break the rules' is probably the least surprising thing that either one of them has ever said, though in this instance, it just serves to tighten the knot in Jim's stomach, waiting for what comes next.

And what a question it is. Jim's first instinct is to recoil, go on the defensive, hotly deny everything like he always has. And... he wouldn't entirely be lying if he said there's no way he'd give this up, not for anything or anyone, his soul too starbound to be content doing anything less than captaining a starship. Just one taste is all it took to make it abundantly clear that this is what he was born to do, where he belongs, more than anywhere else in the universe. He can't stop. Won't.

Then why does it hurt to think about it?

And he's never even thought about trying to bring Hunter aboard. No idea if the other man would ever agree, or be able to find a home one universe and hundreds of lightyears from his planetside life, even if Jim asked. If it would be safe, if Starfleet would even accept a civilian along for the ride, if Hunter could - or would even want to - find a place in the ranks. But knowing now the fear of not knowing where Hunter is, whether he's safe and secure, how can he just leave him behind, content to leave messages and trinkets and only see each other maybe a couple of times a year?

It makes no sense, his heart pulled in too many directions, leaving him muddled and confused, silent for long moments while he struggles to find an answer. For himself, if nothing else. He lines up the white chess pieces on the board, right where they should be, and he envies them for knowing their places so easily.

"I don't know."

Of course he doesn't.

Hell, Jim's engaged and he doesn't even know the answer to that question in the long term. Doesn't know how he's going to make any of this work out with Felix or his family or if Starfleet digs too deeply on his fiance's paperwork and credentials for working on the ship. Hell, the title's just a fancy excuse to get Felix access to the labs so he can continue his magic research and alchemy. All of this is a mess and yet Jim's plowing forward because he knows what he wants.

If he can get the younger captain thinking about that seriously, then he's done his job well. Maybe not today or tomorrow but the idea has been planted. Hopefully it sticks.

"Didn't figure you would. Besides, I'm not the one who needs to know the answer anyhow. In the meantime if you're feeling overwhelmed you can always come talk to me or invite me over. We can go running in the Nexus if that's your thing or something."

As his counterpart no doubt knew he would, Jim all but leaps at the chance to change the subject. Talking about this sort of thing is hard, never mind at length, and with no idea what direction he should even be heading with all this, a reprieve is a welcome sight. "Better than the two of us running my usual circuit on Deck Eight," he says, a smirk automatically sliding into place to cover the awkwardness, the doubt still gnawing at him with sharper teeth than he'd expected. "I don't think I made it a month before I gave up on treadmills. Way too boring."

With the board reset, Jim takes one of his knights and hops it over the line of pawns, setting another game into motion. "Thanks. For... you know." The game, the pep talk, any and all of it. Most folks who talk themselves through shit don't have the benefit of actually talking like this, and he'll take it for all it's worth.

"As much as I'd love to, and I really fucking wold, I don't think the crew would take to that image all too well. At least up until you left me behind and they wondered why they'd see me tired and clean faced when a minute ago I was fine and had a beard."

Jim rolls his eyes at the thought but there is the tug in his gut that wants to go to Deck Eight. Wants to go see the bridge, the observation deck. Anything. Everything. He misses the ship so goddamn much. So fucking much but it's gone. The Enterprise is gone. She died helping Jim protect what was left of her crew. He'll forever be grateful.

A new game has started though. Jim takes a long moment to ponder what it is he wants to do this round. He moves one of his pawns in a way that won't put it in danger of the knight for now and considers his options.

"I've been doing a lot of hiking and archery lately for my workouts."

That look of longing is easily read by the younger Jim, and man, he kinda wishes he could let the other guy do a walk-around, just once. Maybe it'd be a bad idea, maybe it'd be too weird, but either way it sure isn't happening today. Better not to mention it, probably.

Out comes the other knight, a variant on a Vulcan gambit he's picked up from playing against Spock. Something the other captain might be familiar with, but with an illogical human twist of his own making, assuming his companion hasn't already tried this one himself. Worth a shot. "Oh yeah? I'm guessing you've gotta slip out to, uh, Tamriel for that." He's only heard about it a couple times, but what little he has heard intrigues him. "What's it like over there, anyway?"

Jim's being a bit hard on himself. His stamina's gotten a heck of a lot better with months of high incline hikes under his belt. He may not be as fast as his younger counterpart but he can plow on for quite some time. That coupled with his normal workouts and archery has had Jim in better shape than he's been in quite some time.

It's no sparring and jogging with Captain America, but it's not nothing either.

Is he trying to play the triple defense against Jim? Is that's what's happening here? It's still too early to tell but the captain hates these gambits of Spock's and he's not about to let the younger captain start setting up such a strong defense. He'll challenge one of the knights to force it out of position or risk it being lost to his own piece.

"More often than not yeah." Jim sets his mug aside for the moment and smiles. He likes Tamriel when he's not getting kidnapped by bandits. "They're in Skyrim right now, which is a mountainous northern territory on the continent. It's a rock climber and hiker's fantasy out there. I'm having a blast."

Damn, that was fast. Out of position it is, though Jim knows damn well it's going to be an uphill battle to get it back where he needs it. He scratches at his beard as he studies the board, considering alternate strategies to use from here. It's still early, there's plenty he can try. Maybe not so much as he can get away with, but that's the fun of it.

It's been a long time since he's gone mountain-climbing, and he can't help but be a bit envious. "Skyrim... sounds poetic." In a good way. "Better than Yosemite?"

"Can't even compare. I need to take a picture of the night sky there and send it back to you because damn. It's something else entirely. That's the other half of the reward to all the climbing. The trip up's the first half though I don't think Felix appreciates it the way I do."

It's not a treat or an excursion to the mage, after all. It's just his commute to get to anywhere worth visiting. They've gotten used to some social differences though. Had to, over the years.

"Yosemite would be a lot safer though, is the trade off. Skyrim's pretty dangerous."

Jim hasn't even seen the place and he's already envious, what with the way the other captain talks about it. He smirks over at his companion, eyeing the board and shifting another piece. "Oh yeah, I can see that stops you." Like a little danger would scare off James T. Kirk. If Tiberius wasn't his middle name already, he'd have adopted that particular alternative a long time ago. Or so the joke goes.

"I just want to get back to the mission. All of this, it's something to use up my free time until the new ship is ready. Figured I might as well spend it getting to know my fiance's world a bit better. Sooner or later I'm going to have to meet his family and lie through my teeth about who and what I am. The more I learn about Skyrim now, the better it will go."

Jim shifts a piece and looks back up at his companion. He's tired of the silence that's been forced between them ever since he lost the ship. All that shit that he can't talk about has kept them from interacting much in the months since and Jim's sick of it. He might as well talk about the stuff he can talk about.

Might even be good for him to do it.

"Just because a little danger doesn't stop me doesn't mean I go looking for it, either." Anymore. He's grown out of that particular impulse at least Jim would like to think that.

All right, yeah, he's got a point there. A little cultural research goes a long way, and if you're planning to marry somebody from an alien planet, it's probably a damn good idea to know how to blend in when visiting. Jim tilts his head a little, conceding the point.

The additional comment has him looking up again, that familiar captainly tone proving his seriousness, and Jim considers that, his teasing smile fading a bit. "No, I guess not. Old habits, sorry." Choice of career aside, he hasn't done much thrillseeking in the last year or so either, not since the warp core. Hasn't had time, even if he'd had the inclination. But he's got enough of it coming his way as it is, and whatever happened last January just goes to prove that all the more.

"Believe me, we get more than our fair share of dangerous situations without having to scope out opportunities to add on to it."

Maybe if it were just Jim he had to worry about that would be different. He's always been more than a little cavalier about his own safety and well being and that honestly hasn't changed a whole lot in the years between them. He's still the first one to jump into danger if it will save someone else. Anyone else. But the lives of his crew are depending on him. Felix is counting on him to come back alive.

Jim has to be a bit more careful than he used to be. His life isn't just his own anymore.

"Still feels weird to think about."

That's a pretty open statement, and Jim can think of a couple things his companion might be referring to. "Which part?"

So far, his renewed strategy isn't turning out quite how he'd hoped, his offensive gambit broken well enough that he's just improvising now. Still, that's what he's best at. He taps a finger against his chin for a moment, thinking, before he puts his queen into play. All in.

"I'm not used to putting a worth on my own life. I mean, we both know why it's been ingrained out of us but...I can't do that anymore. It's not fair to my crew, and moreover it's not fair to Felix. I have to be more careful."

He's always been the expendable one and he's always known it deep down. He surrounds himself with the best and the brightest and really what do they need him for? It's in Jim's nature to sell himself short when the cards are on the table. His ego is a huge thing right up until someone has to stay behind. Take the fall.

Make the climb.

Jim hums in thought before positioning one of his bishops on the topmost terrace of the board where it will have the most potential to strike. Come at him, ~~bro~~ Captain.

"It's not easy and I probably won't be great at it."

Weird to think about, and even weirder to hear, on his end. Jim's not used to hearing that kind of levelheaded, mature opinion in his own voice, and not for the first time, he wonders what the hell the other captain's been through to provoke that kind of change. Maybe just three years separation makes more difference than he's thought.

But what the hell, Jim's been learning how to be patient. If it comes, it'll come, when and where it's supposed to. And if not, well, nobody ever said he had to follow in anybody else's footsteps, even if that person is another Jim Kirk. It's not like destiny is a thing.

Even if the universe does seem to have a sense of humor about the whole thing sometimes.

Jim looks across the board at his companion, and gives him a small, knowing smile. "Maybe. But since when have we ever done something because it's easy?"

Chess Aboard the Enterprise [for smartass_captain]

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