Captain's First LOL [for losthunter]

[boldygoing]

With the restrictions on his food intake finally lifted, and with months to go until the Enterprise is ready to fly again, Jim Kirk has had all the more reasons to visit the Nexus and explore, particularly the markets. Whether it's finding interesting otherworldly seedlings for Sulu, tracking down a source of authentic Vulcan kreyla for Spock, or bringing home volumes of Russian literature for Chekov, there's always something to bring back for somebody.

Jim's been warned about LOLs before. Both through the brochure he picked up the first time he arrived here, and by some Nexus veterans, namely Hunter and Samus. But in the months since he's been visiting the multiverse, he's still never seen the phenomenon, not even once.

And so it's easy to forget for a moment that he has to be cautious.

He's discovered a Jewish cafe on one corner of the commercial district that's offering free samples to passersby, and it's been ages since he's had real, hand-made vorschmack on rye. So he doesn't think twice before accepting one of the samples on offer, and there's nothing to indicate that there's anything in it other than the usual bread, fish, and other typical ingredients he'd expect. At least, not until the woman running the sample cart asks him how he likes it.

Jim fully intends on simply complimenting her on the flavor of the food, but what comes out instead is, "It's good but not as good as my Grandma Ruth used to make." He blinks in confusion. "I don't know why I just said that. I wasn't going to tell you that." And again... he says more than he intended.

"Oh dear," the woman says, looking mournfully at the sample tray. "I used the wrong seasoning again. Sorry about that." And then she whisks the tray away, vanishing into the depths of the cafe with no explanation or any indication that she plans to return.

And only now does Jim remember the warnings he was given.

"Oh shit. This is not good." He doesn't know what the hell it's done to him, aside from making him chattier than he intended to be, but he doesn't want to go home like this. Especially not when he can't be certain there won't be more coming. And there's only one person he knows he can go to for help.

Jim calls up the coordinates for Hunter's apartment, hurrying to get his ass over there, muttering to himself under his breath.

Comments

[losthunter]

Hunter notes what Jim said about the name of the café. For later, when he can talk to Schön.

"LOLs are usually temporary." Hunter shook his head slightly. "And I don't know any shortcuts."

"If this is some sort of truth serum LOL... you better stay here until it is gone."

[boldygoing]

He nods again. "Yeah that's what I figured but I'm glad to hear you say it. I hate crashing parties uninvited, but I don't want to accidentally say something classified to strangers or anything. I'm a walking security nightmare right now."

[losthunter]

"Maybe if we set you up in a place that has few sensory triggers? Like my bathroom?"

[boldygoing]

"If I'm gonna be like this for hours or days, I don't want to spend it in your bathroom," Jim says, wishing he could phrase it a little nicer than his mouth has apparently decided the message should be. "I didn't want to say it like that. Too bad I can't just knock myself out until this is over."

[losthunter]

"Books and movies might be out of the question." Hunter sits on the couch, patting the seat beside him.

"And we are not going to try to find ways to knock yourself out."

[boldygoing]

"You're gonna get paint on your couch," Jim says the moment he sees him sit down. Annoyed at himself, he adds, "I know you know that," as he takes a seat next to Hunter.

"I don't like being unconscious anyway," he agrees, but to his alarm, he can't stop his train of thought from continuing down the path of why that is. "I have nightmares almost every time I sleep. I keep remembering being in the warp core. I wasn't going to tell you that."

[losthunter]

"The couch is one where I can get paint on it. Or food." Hunter laughs softly. He doesn't mind that Jim is speaking whatever is crossing his thoughts.

His face changes to one of concern when Jim brings up the nightmares. "You weren't going to tell me. Ever?"

[boldygoing]

Jim looks a little guilty. "I didn't want you to be worried and it's hard to talk about it without mentioning details about what happened. You're a smart guy; you might've figured out I died and that's classified."

If ever he needed proof that it's a bad idea for him to be out among strangers, now is the time. It's bad enough that he just spit out one of Starfleet's best-kept secrets to a civilian, even if that civilian is a friend. Can't put the cat back in the bag once you let it out. So he resists the urge to clamp a hand over his mouth, too late to make a difference. "And now you know anyway. I'm sorry. Don't freak out." He's not sure if he's saying that to Hunter or to himself.

[losthunter]

Hunter had known something serious had been kept from him, because it was classified. But out of all the scenarios he had imagined, somehow he never thought it would be something like this.

"You died?" His voice cracks a little.

"Not just a near-death experience... but you actually died?"

[boldygoing]

Jim isn't prone to panic. But his thoughts are out of his control, and there's nothing he can do about it, and he doesn't know how Hunter is going to take this. He hadn't planned to bring it up, certainly not now.

And he can't stop himself from elaborating on what he's said, not with Hunter asking questions. "I got brought to Sickbay in a bodybag with no vitals so yeah. Bones really did freeze me until he got the serum right to bring me back."

[losthunter]

Hunter has to take several deep breaths to collect himself. He really doesn't enjoy hearing that Jim was lost to him, to everyone, for some time. Until Bones was able to bring him back to life.

He wants to ask about the serum. But a part of him feels that would be taking advantage of Jim's situation right now.

He assumes the serum would be the part that is most classified.

"Fuck Jim...." He finally speaks. "No wonder you are having nightmares."

Hunter has to remind himself that there was reasons why this information was kept from him. Starfleet and their classified rules and regulations. Most importantly, he has to remind himself to not let it become a doubt in his mind.

"Are you seeing anyone to get help for the nightmares?" He asks.

[boldygoing]

Jim would appreciate that Hunter is holding back on the questions if he was allowing himself to think about it, but between the dozen other things he has to think about and the fact that he's unable to stop himself from blurting out the first thing that crosses his mind, it's probably the best move, because he would have a lot to say about the serum.

"No, I hate going to psych counseling, and they'd have to have clearance to know I was dead or there'd be no point. Bones counts but he's busy and I've already put him through enough shit and this would bother him. Samus had radiation poisoning once so I got to talk to her a little about it without it being weird, but I couldn't tell her how bad it really was and I think she got suspicious that I was as fine as I was anyway."

He reaches up to rub at his temples, starting to get a headache from the completely futile strain of trying to keep his thoughts and feelings under wraps.

[losthunter]

"Samus is pretty smart. She has likely put it together already." Since both Samus and Hunter are pretty close to Verity, they have been at events together before. Hunter has never really gotten close to the bounty hunter, but he knows her reputation. "She would keep things classified. And would be a good person to talk to."

Hunter takes Jim's hands in his own. "And now that I know, you can talk to me about it. Anytime. I might not be able to relate... but I will listen."

[boldygoing]

"It's not about trust, it's about duty and regulations and I don't have the authority to decide who else gets to know," Jim says, unable to stop. "I'm glad you're not freaking out about this but can you imagine what the media would do if they got wind of this? They're a bunch of vultures and there'd be an ethical controversy over whether it's right to bring someone back from the dead and Bones might lose his medical license. I lost ninety-six crew and none of them got brought back, just me and it kills me inside to know that I'm alive and they're not just because I'm the captain and Bones is my friend. I know he couldn't have cared for ninety-seven patients all at the same time because it was hard enough work getting me back and keeping me that way but my brain and my heart don't agree and it haunts me."

He winces, hating that he can't stop himself from unloading this on someone who didn't ask for any of this, and squeezes Hunter's hand, trying to anchor himself. "I'm used to dealing with this kind of shit alone and I know I have people I can talk to now but it's hard."

[losthunter]

Hunter knows exactly what kind of vultures the media can be. He drops his eyes for a moment. "Yes. I can imagine. My dad owned a media empire."

Jim is being forced to be truthful. Hunter can at least open up about his own experiences. Try to divert the truth spill away from classified material.

"It was why he found a different place for me to live. So I wouldn't be around to cast a 'negative' appearance in his life."

He strokes the top of Jim's hand with his thumb. "I know you are used to dealing with stuff alone. And you are a strong man. But I just worry. I hate the thought of you having nightmares every night."

[boldygoing]

"What a bastard." Of all the things Jim has said so far without his usual brain-to-mouth filter in place, this one at least is something that he does not regret voicing out loud. "My mom did a shit job of raising me too."

Jim suppresses the shudder that wants to ripple through him, still in control of the rest of his body even if his mouth isn't quite with the program. "I hate it too. I hate that sometimes I can't even get to sleep in the first place because it feels like dying and there's no one there to try and fail to pretend it's okay this time and I can't just call Spock in the middle of the night just because I can't sleep and I don't want to bring up bad memories for him either. I hate that I get flashbacks sometimes from stupid things like lightning storms and drinking alcohol and getting a headache."

[losthunter]

Hunter moves closer to Jim, moving his hands so they are on Jim's face. "You can call me. Anytime. I will be there... for whatever you need."

[boldygoing]

Jim doesn't pull away, resigning himself to the fact that he can't stop talking about this now. "It's bad enough that I'm having trouble sleeping, I don't want to spread it around. I know you don't mind but I still get annoyed at myself for bothering people and I know it's a problem but I haven't had other people to rely on for most of my life and it's hard to change old habits."

[losthunter]

Hunter doesn't know what else to say for a moment. Jim is the only person who can ask for help. And it almost alarming to know that if it wasn't for the truth-serum LOL that Jim would never bring up any of these issues. That he would have still tried to deal with them on his own.

"I guess hearing me tell you that I wouldn't be bothered isn't going to help either."

[boldygoing]

"It wouldn't have, but you know the reasons why it's happening now," Jim answers. "I know in my head that it's not actually bothering people who give a shit about me but like I said, it's hard to break old habits and feelings that I've had since I was a kid. It's not because I don't trust you or that I don't think you care, because I do. It's all me."

[losthunter]

Hunter decides the best thing to do right now is just hug Jim. "It sucks that you are only telling me these things because of the LOL."

[boldygoing]

It's unexpected enough that it shifts Jim's thoughts off his problems and the growing embarrassment that he's been caught keeping secrets from his friends, at least for the moment, and after a moment's surprised hesitation, he lifts his arms to wrap them around Hunter too. "I've never been hugged very much," he says, his voice slightly muffled against Hunter's shoulder. And then, because Hunter spoke, he adds, "I might've told you some of it eventually."

[losthunter]

"I am a big hugger when it comes to my friends." Hunter chuckles lightly.

He has to keep himself from asking a question in relation to Jim's statement, since he doesn't want another truth-bomb to be set off.

"Maybe we should have lunch? It might help reduce the effects of the LOL if you get something else into your system."

[boldygoing]

"I like that about you. I don't care that I've got paint on me now." Fortunately Jim isn't wearing anything that he cares about keeping paint-free.

"Is that how it works?" he asks, as they pull apart from the hug. "I don't ever turn down food when someone offers unless they don't get to eat too."

[losthunter]

"One of these days, we are going to get one of those paint kits... for the bedroom... and have a little fun." Hunter chuckles again.

"I'm hoping..." Hunter stands to head to the kitchen. "And I have enough for the both of us to have a light lunch."