Catching Up [for smartass_captain, backdated]

[boldygoing]

There's a good deal to do in the wake of the attack on Yorktown, even once he's given his debriefing to both the station's leadership as well as Starfleet Command. A thorough census of the survivors, checking in with the injured, composing letters for the families of the confirmed dead. For once, however, it feels as though he's not alone in such things, Yorktown in able hands as the station's leadership takes control of a good deal of the cleanup. It's strange, having both more and less paperwork than Jim had assumed there might be.

He'd be perfectly entitled to a leave on grounds of stress, but Jim has never been very good at just sitting still when there's work to be done.

It's an easier pace to keep up with, and despite taking it slow, he still finds that he has time to himself every day, time when he isn't really sure what to do with himself. Not until arrangements can be made to return to the planet and pick through the ruins of Enterprise.

An extended absence might be noted, but no one's likely to come looking for him in the night cycle, and there are no more shipboard emergencies that may demand his attention.

Two days after the attack on Yorktown, as the station's cycle turns to evening, he sends a message. Well you don't have to worry about me finding out anymore. Chess?

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[smartass_captain]

Jim lifts his glass automatically, before his hand twitches and he pulls it back. Restraint from the man whom the brandy still very much affects. "Best not. Besides, I don't need it." It's almost revolutionary to realize that's true.

The memories are painful but Jim doesn't feel that pain so sharply he wants to drown it out. Whether it's time that's matured him and dulled the wound, or simply being in a better place than they've been for much of their lives Jim doesn't know. His smile grows a little stronger. Though it's only going to morph into a loud groan when his companion mentions settling planetside. Too dramatic to be serious though.

"Fuck, don't remind me. We're just wrapping up our last sweep before we head back. Even with the holdover in Yorktown it's gone by so fast. I don't want to think about being stuck on terra firma again already."

[boldygoing]

It's strange indeed to be sitting here across from each other, in the aftermath of the worst disaster of his career, feeling like this is... some kind of new lease on life, somehow. If Jim was a more cynical man by nature, he might feel even more shackled by George Kirk's legacy, but... it feels the opposite. Moving out from under his shadow, somehow.

One year older.

"Ah, I dunno. You could always ask to go back out again," he says, and even though he's smiling, it's not really a joke. "First five-year mission doesn't mean 'only.' Plenty of space still left out there in the black. A job that's never finished, but... who knows what's out there?"

[smartass_captain]

There's no steps left in the dance they always felt they had to but didn't want to play. George Kirk died to protect his crew and their lives. They've done the same, only thanks to extraordinary circumstances they've lived to talk about it after. Aging out their father...for Jim, at the time, it was terrifying. Depressing. The feelings of being unworthy of still being around when George was gone were tremendous.

But he wasn't doing so great around the time this all went down. His alternate? Seems to be in a much better place. Jim's grateful for that. Not to say he wouldn't have torn up the Nexus trying to find a way to reach his alternate if that's what it took. Jim knows he owes that favor. It's just....a relief to see one of them healthier than he was. Better prepared.

Maybe he shouldn't have been. Jim can't find it in himself to regret it.

"Of course I'm going to--but it won't be the same." A little wistful. He's grown to know the people under his command so well these last several years. Especially the ones who have survived this long. Some of them won't go back out again but that's been true of every mission. Even among those who have stayed with him this long....they've got lives too. Families. Promotions to chase. It's not going to stay like this forever. There was a time that would terrify him.

It still makes him nervous. But he's not agonizing every day they get closer to Earth, either. Things change. Maybe something great will come with it. Even if it's not quite the ramshackle family Jim's carved for himself out of his crew.

"I'll be asking to go back out there until they refuse, more than likely. Felix is taking well to it. But he's not seen much of Earth. Guess there's an opportunity there, too. To not lose my mind quite so quickly."