"What a bastard." Of all the things Jim has said so far without his usual brain-to-mouth filter in place, this one at least is something that he does not regret voicing out loud. "My mom did a shit job of raising me too."

Jim suppresses the shudder that wants to ripple through him, still in control of the rest of his body even if his mouth isn't quite with the program. "I hate it too. I hate that sometimes I can't even get to sleep in the first place because it feels like dying and there's no one there to try and fail to pretend it's okay this time and I can't just call Spock in the middle of the night just because I can't sleep and I don't want to bring up bad memories for him either. I hate that I get flashbacks sometimes from stupid things like lightning storms and drinking alcohol and getting a headache."